What makes you you? I've thought about this often. This is especially helpful in a band setting. To maintain harmony (something I've struggled with), coupled with understanding why certain bandmates play music, is understanding what makes them tick as people, or the why behind their behavior patterns.
Social behaviors are only surface level, and usually social interactions are the catalyst for forming a band. But as you work with someone, a more in depth understanding of what makes them, them, will come to light. Eventually you'll start to understand why people do what they do, and understanding why can help moderate your emotions toward that individual/bandmate.
But understanding why people behave the way they do, requires you ask yourself the right questions, and take note of observations during interactions in regards to those questions.
For me, these questions are, What is their Nature, Who raised them, What era were they raised in, Where were they raised, and What motivates their choices, reaction or response?
Nature- Nature is our DNA. This isn't always easy to find an answer to, because often we ourselves don't even know if there is anything haywire in our brain chemistry until there is a crisis. Unfortunately, what is an undiagnosed unmedicated chemical imbalance, is usually construed as a person just being a jerk. But as trust is earned, sometimes we come to find out a bandmate is baring a heavy chemical/mental cross. If that is the case, medicine is a huge help, and cognitive therapy is even a bigger help, I speak from personal experience.
Additionally, expect the chemical nature of at least some of your bandmates to be off, otherwise they wouldn't be musicians. :)
Nurture- Often our donors of DNA are also the ones who raise us, our parents, but not always. Faith, education, and race, among many other variables, influence a pair, which influence how they raise their children. I look at my parents. My father is Hispanic, his father is from Mexico, his mother is from border Texas, and he was raised in Indiana and California. My mother is white, her mother is from Germany, her father is from San Francisco and of English descent.
They are a very religious couple, rooted in the gospel of Jesus Christ. They are also very much an unorthodox couple, married in a time when very few crossed racial/ethnic lines in marriage, and in a religious culture where even fewer crossed those lines. Furthermore, my father grew up poor, and my mother grew up very well to do. I could go on, and basically break down Nature, Nurture, Time, Place, & Choice in regard to my parents, and that would shed light on myself, but I'm not going to :).
But my parents are a pair, with behavior norms, even traditions, both bad and good, brought together in marriage. It's safe to say, family traditions, whatever they are, good or bad, or why they exist, influence parenting, which influence kids, which ultimately influences fellow bandmates. :)
Generations- Every single era in the worlds history is a collective of influences effecting how people think, believe, and act. Depending on perspective, the opinions held in regard to each generation, defines them as progressive or regressive in a myriad of different issues and behaviors. But lets not get too deep here, lol.
With in the context of a band, band mates are influenced by the music they grew up with. With experience and age, our musical tastes do broaden, but people will usually hold an affinity toward the music of their youth. Though some might see this as a point of friction with in a band, it should not be. A blend of backgrounds and musical tastes is what drives creativity. It's what can make your band unique. Art shouldn't be like politics, divisive and closed off. I have my musical preferences, but I can honestly say there are songs and artists from all genres of music I enjoy. That's largely in part due to the influence of past bandmates, be it gen x, millennial, or gen z, that introduced me to artists I was either unaware of, or thought had nothing to offer me.
Though you probably won't view the world the same, accept that generational diversity, and all that comes with it, can be a catalyst for writing good songs.
Geographical Location- I would say where we grew up influences our music tastes as much as when we grew up. This is especially true if you're joining musical forces with someone from a different country. Cultural norms differ, and this is great for music, if you let it be. Where somebody grows up also helps explain certain idiosyncrasies in speech, style, or social norms. Again, all diversity drives the music engine in a band.
Choice- No matter our DNA, Parenting, Generation, or Home Town, we all can make choices in life. Yes, there are those people out there, depending on the extreme of any or all of the above factors (Nature, Nurture, Time, and Place) that may be very compromised in their ability to choose, but the majority of us can choose. Yet choice is a real struggle. I've learned through my experiences, my choices are reactionary or a response. A reaction is immediate, and it stems from emotion. A response is thought out, and delivered confidently yet calmly. Whether it be a response of words or a course of action, the key is to step back, calm down, think it over, talk it over with others, and then return to the matter with a level head. I've been a reactionary band mate, in every single band I've been in, and only recently have I understood the right choice, is the choice to respond, not to react. So be a responsive band mate, and encourage others to be the same.
In closing, bands have been a training ground for maybe one day having a family, as odd as that sounds. In life, the majority of my efforts and energy have gone to just battling my brain (see post "OCD-The Brutal Truth"), and I mean that literally. So much time and energy have been spent just keeping it together, that the dating and relationship reps in my life aren't what I would have hoped. I've had a handful of 2 to 3 month goes at relationships, but I could never give it all my headspace. I was always on the heels of a crisis, heading for one, or dealing with that inevitable "exclusive anxiety" that just happens a few months down the road dating someone. But, I can honestly say those negative cycles are changing, and I'm moving upward.
Here is to all things learned in a band!!! Nature, Nurture, Time, Place, and Choice!
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